The termination of J’s nuts.

*before you get confused, do read Operation Crimson Cattle, Operation Crimson Cattle supplement and The Hunt for Agent Jay first.*

it seems that my life is in jeopardy these days. after running from various countries to countries, it seems that Agent J has yet again obtained reports of agent nadnut’s whereabouts. it seems that there has been a security leak. someone has been tipping Agent J off. hmmm.

thank god for the much needed help from KuKuehKlan. it seems that despite my various disguises in makeup and costumes, they have not helped me much from being recognized.

infact, even the latest purchase of disguises kits, did not help me much.

despite my excellent cover-up as a butch, i was still discovered. thankfully, with a use of a flying cockroach, the spies were distracted and i managed to escape. Agent J is getting too smart for his own good.

much to my dismay, Agent J has managed to pinpoint the exact location of my hideout, EMCO!

*shivers*

Agent J is getting to close to comfort. it looks like i would require some inside information. Agent AKK from the KuKuehKlan would be covering my ass providing backup when we meet Agent Barney in december.

it seems that Agent J has a much valuable informant on his team called Agent Deek. from my conversation with Agent J, (in which i used the identity of a sweet young thing. Agent J has a weakness for SYT and chocolates) it seems that Agent Deek has the X-factor to manipulate any females.

perhaps the KuKuehKlan would like to recruit Agent Deek into the team for we have obtained information on Agent J badmouthing Agent Deek. take note of the highly classified chat log between Agent nadnut (or otherwise known as Nado-Nuto-San) and Agent J.

Agent J says: Wah si pai lang!!! wah raoz…….

SYT says: hahaaha. wat is si pai lang

Agent J says: i am pai lang (bad man) the KuKuehKlan say me until like dat…. jia lat man……

Agent J says: then my buddy deek is lorbin liao…..

Agent J says: bad man & lorbin.

SYT says: hahaha. whose deek?

Agent J says: yah….. this lorbin is a human magnet.

SYT says: wahhaa. really?

Agent J says: xmm magnet, auntie magnet, gay magnet…. everything also magnet

Agent J says: you are ask akk to attest my allegations. all true one….

SYT says: because of troy?

Agent J says: magnet magnet…..

Agent J says: nope.

Agent J says: just him.

SYT says: lol

Agent J says: i think it’s the pheromones secretions that drive women and gays crazy….

SYT says: o.O

Agent J says: it was quite traumatic for me to see Indian car park cashier auntie giggle like teenager….

Agent J says: i was scarred for life man…..

SYT says: handsome?

Agent J says: not bad…..

Agent J says: troy blog got his pic somewhere …..

SYT says: ooooh. so his ur lorbin ah?

Agent J says: yeah… he’s my bi-atch!

Agent J says: wahahaha….. he is going to kill me for that remark….

SYT says: hahaa. i shall quote u there. hahaha.

Agent J says: OI!

SYT says: heeeee

Agent J says: *waves fists in protest*

SYT says: agent j says agent deek is his bi-atch!

Agent J says: acherly, i am more afraid he might agree to that statement….. *shudder*

with this information, it shouldn’t pose a problem to recruit Agent Deek into the KuKuehKlan. with Agent Barney and Agent Deek in the newly formed clan, we should not have any problems removing any traces of Agent J. which includes his very own existence.

this mission will be codenamed “The termination of J’s nuts.” or short form “J’s nuts”. aside from the valuable information that we have obtained to lure Agent Deek into our clan, we have also obtained classified information on what goes thru Agent J’s mind. we will pick his brain and strike him where his weaknesses lie.

the following is an excerpt of the msn conversation between Agent J and me (i was posing as a SYT, one of Agent J’s many weaknesses).

SYT says: o.O

Agent J says: hahahah….. acherly hor…. what is o.O ?

SYT says: one eye big one eye small. haha

Agent J says: shrunken left nut or just big-small eye?

SYT says: …

Agent J says: ok… time to get my head out of the sewers…….

SYT says: haha. dirty minded!

Agent J says: i supposed shrunken left nut should be o.0

Agent J says: a little bit on the oval side…. ahahahahaha…….

Agent J says: *wash mouth with soap*

SYT says: this is much highly desired classified info of agent j’s dirty mind

aside from SYTs and dirty thoughts, one of our spies have also obtained information on one of Agent J’s major weaknesses. it seems from our reports that Agent J has a thing for one of the most dangerous item ever created on earth.

this item can blow up mountains and even send a few men into heart attacks.

the item is chocolate.

how does chocolate blow up mountains and send men into heart attacks? this is due to the fact that women love chocolate. they guzzle them by the pound in all shapes and sizes. be it toblerone, ferrero rocher or ben & jerry’s chocolate ice-cream. and after that, these women would then ask their boyfriends/husbands/friends the most dreaded question in the world.

“DO I LOOK FAT?”

this question has killed a few agents within a heartbeat. interpol has gathered evidence that Agent J has used this dangerous item on many women (who are probably his spies) who in turn uttered the dreaded question to our agents.

till this day, we have reports of missing agents and they have never been seen again.

once, Agent J has even tried to lure me out of my hideout by tempting me with chocolate. thankfully, i have read the reports collated and managed to escape from his demonical plans.

Agent J has set up plans under the guise of a drug dealer named ‘Jaywalk‘. he tried to outsmart me by arranging for a meeting to exchange some goods. the goods are codenamed “red bull”. supposedly these drugs will be able to make a person fly. the drugs would also be able to give a person a great amount of energy.

these drugs are only available in the black market and are worth a considerable amount of money. we have agreed to meet at a certain steak restaurant for the exchange of the goods.

it will be there, where i would capture Agent J and confiscate the drugs. these drugs are very powerful and whoever to obtains it will be able to take over the world.

i have purchased many various items to aid in my new disguise so that Agent J would not be able to recognise me.

i must tread carefully since he has seen thru my previous disguises. i am prepared to use all cash that i have to obtained the drugs and save mankind.

i have also selected a few different weapons to aid me in my mission. aside from the deadly chocolates, i have selected Agent Ku Kueh to be my right hand man woman. i have made an excellent choice for she has the ability to freeze time by singing the elmo song. we have hatched the plan. just as Agent J would pass me the drugs, she would sing the elmo song and freeze time, she will then use her super bread to knock Agent J unconscious.

if all fails, i would then have to use my special powers to disarm him. it is a power not to used unnecessarily for if it is overused, the powers would ceist.

for it is the power of TEH!

all women are blessed with this power, however, some tend to abuse the power and some are just ignorant.

i would then burst into tears and whine at Agent J. men cannot stand this power. they would usually run away or buy some super power gift to soothe the women.

once Agent J succumbs to the magical power, i would then use the mightly claws move and inflict pain on him.

an example of a victim.

Agent Ku Kueh and i would then transport Agent J to our secret lair called Oasis where he will subjected to the worst kind of torture.

he will choose between watching Happy Tree Friends, headbanging or eating disgusting noodles.

till then. more updates once the date of the exchange draws nearer.