It’s never easy losing a loved one…

I was sitting in the clinic earlier this week waiting for my turn and I was observing the other patients.

There was this malay family, the grandmother was fussing over the sick granddaughter. She reminded me so much of my late grandmother. I was very close to my grandparents when I was younger, mainly because I was the eldest grandchild. I would spend my holidays with them and not my parents.

I remember sitting in my grandfather’s lil sidecar enjoying the breeze and I had affectionately called him Tuktuk then (Tuk as in from Datuk aka grandfather). We would head to the beach every week where my grandmother and grandfather would prepare a delish spread and we’ll just enjoy ourselves.

As I grew older, the gap between the grandparents and I widened. As my faith in my then religion lessen, so did the visits. I was still close but not as close as when I was younger. Suddenly my grandmother had a fall and she then passed away when she was just 50+.

We then shifted from our then place in Jurong to Bedok to stay with my grandfather. A few years later, my grandfather soon became senile. I then had to grow up really quick to help take care of him. It was very hard watching him fade away, not recognising me and slowly losing his mind. The aches and pains soon came and it was time for him to move to a better place where my grandmother would be there to welcome him.

I never really grieved much then as I wanted to be strong for my mother. But yesterday, after at least a great 9 years after my grandfather’s death and 13 years after my grandmother’s death, I finally broke down.

If I could have a chance to turn back time, I would have spent more time with them, understood them more and do everything within my capabilities to make them more happier and comfortable. I really wished that I had more time with them but it’s really too late. All I could do now is spend more time with my loved ones, my family. Life is really very short, instead of wasting a day or a week quarreling or in anger, do spend the day enjoying each others company instead.

Even though there may be harsh words exchanged, do remember, no matter what your parents or your grandparents do, they love you and they will always do.

If only I could turn back time….