flirting 101

i was lamenting to a bunch of girlfriends today my lack of a significant other. a bunch of us single girlfriends were lamenting on our lack of a significant other and someone to cuddle to and hug me us. 

thus the issue of me flirting and finding someone new came up.

grrrr.

everytime the issue of me being single comes up, everyone tells me to get a fling, to find a rebound or find a nice guy.

tmd. cannot remain single is it? lao niang i want the whole forest can?

grrrr.

anyway, enough of diverting.

basically, they gave me advice on how to flirt. and i made them so frustrated by making a mockery of the whole thing.

bah.

——-

ladies and gentlemen, welcome to flirting 101.

instructor: firstly, you have to have to be thick-skinned.

nadnut: i got lotsa skin. *pulls excess skin from thighs, arms and tummy* enough or not?

instructor: not like that! *slaps head* i mean you have to daring, bold, courageous. we cant have you avoiding eyecontact with the flirtee (guy im flirting with) cant we? 

nadnut: hmmmm. so i gotta maintain eyecontact with the flirtee?

instructor: firstly there are different kinds of flirting. the play hard to get and the interested one. lets talk about the interested one. for this, you have to maintain eyecontact of course.

nadnut: like this? *STARES at instructor without blinking*

instructor: NO NO! not like that! you wanna seem interested not as if your hypnotised! 

nadnut: how about this? *gives besotted look*

instructor: NONONO! that will scare the guy off! look interested, glance at him once in a while but dont look obsessed. 

nadnut: BUT I AM OBSESSED!

instructor: *clutches heart* well you dont want him to know that!

nadnut: oh. ok.

instructor: *takes a deep breath* oookay. remember to smile at the flirtee.

nadnut: like this? *bares teeth*

instructor: *starts pounding her chest* nono! you dont want him to think you want to devour him! 

nadnut: hmmmmm. oooookay! hows about this? *smiles like a manic. think joker*

instructor: ….. *faints* NO! smile a sweet smile. 

nadnut: *after much coaxing, managed to smile like a shunu*

instructor: alright. when the flirtee talks, listen to his voice and the way he talks. sometimes he’ll sound disappointed or frustrated. keep this in mind, everyone wants to be heard. and its nice to have someone remember what you said. 

nadnut: huh? sorry i was daydreaming. i beg your pardon?

instructor: *looks at the exit door wistfully and repeats what she had just said* 

nadnut: ok.

instructor: now, perhaps when you talk, try to maintain body contact, perhaps, when you laugh, you can lightly brush pass his arms, shoulder. observe his reaction when you do so, does he shun away? does he welcome the contact or perhaps he didnt even realise it?

nadnut: hmmm. like this? *laughs like a hyeena and hits instructor’s back while laughing*

instructor: *chokes and coughs* ARGHHHHHHHHHH! YOU CANT FLIRT FOR NUTS! I DONT WANT YOU AS MY STUDENT ANYMORE! HERE’S YOUR MONEY! HELL, I’LL PAY YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

—–

TMD! kena kicked out of class.

perhaps thats why guys shun away from me. hmmmm..

oh well.

to hell with flirting. heh. *grins like the joker to all* 

phrase of the day: flirting is an art that is to be mastered and not taken lightly.