btw. im back from my trip. 🙂
i was chatting online with a friend one day and after the conversation, i was pondering over what was said. in conclusion, i thought to myself: less expectations, less disappointments.
sometimes we tend to expect more and more from someone and when that person fails to deliver, we blame ourselves, them and everyone around us. i myself have had felt the same way, though in different situations.
i told myself then to lower my expectations. but was it the correct way? to avoid being hurt, to expect less from a relationshop, a friendship or a job? just scrape thru instead of aiming all the way to the top?
i once used this as my nick ‘why bring me up so high just to drop me down all the way?’. i felt that way then during my relationship and when everything came crashing down, i couldn’t take it. i had placed 100% and when i fell, there was nothing left to cushion my fall. friends (and readers) knew that i could not pick myself up completely then.
and i was ashamed to admit that i was actually happy being unhappy. yes, i felt that way then. i felt so miserable that being happy was being even more miserable than whatever i was feeling then. i became cynical and hurting towards people around me. i was never proud of the path i took. and till today, when i re-read my archives, i couldnt believe the depressed girl i was reading was actually me.
after the great fall, when i had a fresh new start with my relationship with tiger, i closed my heart a little. i held back my feelings. i had lowered my expectations of us. i did not dare to hope for more and in a way, i did not dare to love like before.
tiger felt it. he knew that something was wrong. he gave me time to heal and to love, once again.
as days, weeks and months go by, i managed to open up my heart and let him in once again. and as we learn from our past mistakes, we tend to appreciate the chance we’re given.
but from what i have learnt before, i have lowered my expectations (pertaining to everything in life) in a bid to prevent getting that hurt before. like a defense mechanism, like walls being built, like whatever you wanna call it…
have i lost the ability to love like before: no.
have i lowered my expectations: yes.
which would u choose? to aim for the sky and face the danger of plunging way bottom? or lowering your expectations and casting your safety net?
perhaps one day, i will be able to burn the safety net. but right now, as i try not to look back in anger and disappointment, i rather stay far far away from the top… as i said…
less expectations, less disappointments.
Lowered expectation is just a interim step.
Deep down, you are still aiming high but you are smarter this time to break it up into smaller steps and achieving it steadily one at a time.
nadnut: sometimes i wonder if i am, for everytime i tend to slip up and wonder about taking the easy way out..Â
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hey babe…whatever it is, staying positive always helps. That too might mean always expecting things to turn out well, coz somehow when we expect less, we get less too. :>
muacks…
nadnut: hugs.Â
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aye, you\’re right and actually, real love shouldn\’t have any expectations at all. *hugs*
nadnut: no expectations? hmmm. but wouldnt you hope and expect to last together till the end of the road?
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After some falls, one needs to learn how to identify the weakness and strengthness regardless of good or difficult times. Like higher expectations, one gets more disappointments. To be calm and strong to withstand against \”all the storms\” we encounter. When the person face some difficulties, it enable him or her to be more mature and experienced. 🙂
nadnut: 🙂 sometimes hurting after a big disappointment.. is really too hard to bear… that i wish i hadnt dared to dream at all.
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From my understanding of this, it\’s not really something for you to overcome, more the others around you to come to terms with. There are many others in your circumstances, and I think you may have to make the decision to be unhappy or discontent with your life (and play it straight), or be who you feel you are and make a few waves. Best of luck in either circumstance.
nadnut: thanks for the advice. 🙂
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Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you\’ll land among the stars.
nadnut: familiar phrase…. where is it from ah?Â
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if you hope to expect to last and if it doesn\’t happen, wouldn\’t you feel hurt and upset that the expectations aren\’t met?
nadnut: yes but wouldnt you go into a relationship wanting it to be a serious one and last? *confused*Â for myself, when i go into a relationship now, i no longer want to get into those \’for fun\’ or puppy love kind of relationships, i want to find someone who i can see myself growing old with… if i get into one with the mindset of if it lasts, good if not, so be it, i think i would not put 100% in it… dunno, that\’s my perception.
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I dun think its less expectations. why cant it simply be that you now know this person’s strengths and weaknesses better enough to conclude that there are certain things you can or cannot expect from them? they would have done the same back also. so definitely you are loving him as much or even more, but its with all his faults and your life togther as a couple added in too.
more like adaptability.
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