why is it so hard to let go?

was looking my pictures today and saw a pic of chicken leg… i miss him soo much. dun tink i have a pic with him. sighz. as i passed his grave everyday, i cant help thinking of him…

now ‘up to you’ has taken its place… but its not the same… i wonder when everyone around me pass away, how will i cope. i can neva think of a day w/o my mum. but reality is she’s close to 50…

there is not much more years to go… if im ever married, i would rather be the one who pass away first… i dun wanna go thru de pain… yesh im selfish, i rather my partner be de one who has to let go…

infact thruout my whole life, i always wished to die young. as in i dun wanna be feeble or senile and have to trouble someone to take care of me, i wanna die young, in my prime when im happiest, not dying of a disease, or dying in misery alone or suffering.

but yet, i dun wanna die b4 im 30. wanna enjoy with frens and have fun.

but life is short. when u gotta go, u gotta go. oh well..

on a side note, since im now a free thinker, i wonder… when we die, how does it feels, is it like we will reincarnate, or like we go to heaven / hell or we rest in our graves till de world collapses, or we juz dun exist anymore. there aint feeling. ur juz gone.

sighz. death always makes me feel emotional. or perhaps…

i tink too much…

i miss chicken leg, if we do go to heaven, i wanna hold him in my arms and neva let him go…